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EXPECTED
BEHAVIOR FOR DIVORCED PARENTS CONCERNING CHILDREN
If you love your children, avoid
involving them in your dissolution or
custody disputes. The information below
is something that everyone should follow,
no matter how angry or upset they are
toward their former partner.
Do not poison your child's mind
against the other parent by discussing
his or her shortcomings. Continuing anger
or bitterness toward your former partner
can injure your children far more than
the dissolution itself. The feelings you
show are more important than the words
that you use. NEVER
engage in conflict with your spouse or
former spouse in the presence of your
children. Conflict between the two of you
hurts your children.
Assure your children they are
not to blame for the breakup, and they
are not being rejected or abandoned.
Children, especially young ones, may feel
that some action or secret wish of theirs
has caused the trouble between their
parents.
Do not force or encourage your
child to take sides. To do so often hurts
the children by creating frustration,
guilt, and resentment.
The break up of a marriage is
always hard on the children. They may not
always show their distress or realize at
first what divorce will mean to them.
Parents should be direct and honest in
telling children what is happening and
why, and do so in a way a child can
understand. This will vary with the
circumstances and with each child's age
and comprehension.
The guilt parents may feel about
the marriage break up may interfere in
their disciplining the children. A child
needs consistent control and direction.
Over-permissiveness or indecisive parents
who leave a child at the mercy of every
passing whim and impulse interfere with a
child's healthy development. Children
need and want to know quite clearly what
is expected of them. Children feel more
secure when limits are set. They are
confused when grown-ups seem to permit
behavior which they themselves know to be
wrong and are trying to outgrow.
Encourage the children to spend
time with the other parent. Your spouse
divorced you, not your children. The
children should have and be allowed to
display photos of both parents.
Time with the children by the
non-residential parent is for the benefit
and better development of the children.
No matter what the difference of feeling
or opinion between the parents, physical
custody or visitation should never be
withheld or threatened to be withheld.
Failure to receive child support is NOT
grounds for withholding the children from
the non-paying parent and is specifically
prohibited under RCW 26.09.160(1).
The parent with whom the
children live must prepare the children
both physically and mentally for the
residential time or visitation with the
other parent. The children should be
available at the time mutually agreed
upon, or the time specified in the
Parenting Plan or the most recent court
order relating to physical custody.
Never refuse an opportunity to
see or spend time with your children. You
demonstrate your commitment to your
children by being available to them, even
if you are inconvenienced. Take the time
and make the effort to show your children
that they are a high priority in your
life.
Your former spouse is entitled
to make his or her personal plans during
his or her time with the children. Do not
interfere by failing to abide by the
terms of the residential arrangements. Be
on time. Return the children on time.
Do not fail to notify your
former spouse and your children as soon
as possible if you are unable to keep
your arranged times. It is unfair to your
children to keep them waiting -- and
worse to disappoint them by not coming at
all.
Make your time with the children
as pleasant as possible by NOT
questioning them regarding the activities
of your former spouse and by NOT
making extravagant promises which you
cannot, or will not, keep.
Never miss an important date --
Christmas, birthday, graduation, etc. If
you cannot be there, call or write.
If your former spouse has plans
for the children that conflict with
yours, be adults and work out the problem
together. Consider the children's wishes,
but do not ask them to take sides.
Do not expose your children to
any immoral conduct between you and any
person with whom you may be emotionally
involved.
Do not use your pick up and
return of the children as a means to
continue arguments with your former
spouse. You are the role models for your
children. Conduct yourselves accordingly.
Do not be in the presence of the
children if you are intoxicated. Do not
visit your children at unreasonable
hours.
Under no circumstances shall the
issue of maintenance or child support
payments be raised in the presence of
your children.
Be prompt in paying child
support as ordered. You will not be
credited with presents, clothes, etc., as
part of your child support payment.
Withholding of residential time is NOT
grounds for withholding child support and
is specifically prohibited under RCW
26.09.160(1).
Think first of your children's
present and future emotional and mental
well-being before acting. This will be
difficult because of your own feelings,
needs and emotions, but try, try, try.
Our
firm consist of three lawyers, Peter W. Mogren,
Ronald E. Glessner, and Ruth A. Roti. Our
emphasis is in family law, wills and probate, and
personal injury. Please click on the topics
above for details about these areas of practice,
including divorce, legal separation, property
division, child support, spousal maintenance,
parenting plans, modifications, paternity,
adoption, wills, Community Property Agreements,
Durable Power of Attorney, and probate.
Our
firm is conveniently located in Renton, King
County, Washington, just off the freeway at the
intersection of I-405 and I-167. Our
attorneys represent clients throughout the State
of Washington, including the communities of
Renton, Kent, Tukwila, Seattle, Bellevue, Auburn,
Maple Valley, Federal Way, Des Moines, Burien,
SeaTac, Enumclaw and most of south King County.
The
free information contained in these pages is not
intended to be legal advice, and does not create
an attorney-client relationship. You should
always consult with an attorney before taking any
action. Feel free to call us at 425-255-4542.
 
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